The Spaces in between the Silences

Having had a lot of time to think in the last week, it's really made me think about how lucky I am. My life has changed so much in the last 2 years, in a good way. A friend at uni always used to say, you feel so much more sure of yourself in your late 20s-that's me now!- and a tiny part of me used to think she was being a bit patronising.

Not so. I can't put my foot on it, but something's changed inside me in that time that makes me just not worry so much about what will happen in the future, just get on with life and enjoy it. It may sound selfish, but I don't care what people think about me anymore, and if people who call themselves my friends are too self involved I start to lose interest. I am blessed to have so many amazing friends but I find that, with some of them, it's a bit one sided e.g me always going to see them.arranging get togethers. Obviously there are exceptions- a few of my friends have babies now and I understand, as with my sister, that babies take up 99% of people's time and makes travelling anywhere very difficult. I also love having friends who, although you don't see them for months, when you meet up it's as if you saw each other yesterday.

I think my friends are the most important thing in my life. Of course my relationship and family are very important too, but relationhsips are unpredictable and you never know how they will pan out. Because I've moved a lot-9 times in 9 years!- I have lots of different friends. There are school friends, uni (BA) friends, friend from my MA, friends from all the places I've ever worked, and friends from hobbies I've had e.g amateur dramatics.

It's interesting how you only realise who your best friends are until something bad happens. That happened to me 2 years ago when I was ill/ended my relationship of 5& 1/2 years/my car was vandalised and written off, and some friends- who I hadn't prevously realised their kindness- showed their inner beauty and true friendship. One or two others were more concerned with themselves and I -maybe ruthlessly- cut them out of my life. Life's too short to waste on selfish people.

Now, inevitably after uni, most of my friends are scattered throught the country, and world! I have friends in Liverpool, Cambridge, Swindon, Hull, Sheffield, even in New Zealand! What a great opportunity to travel...Although I miss them, the best ones keep in touch in whatever way works for them -some are letter writers, some are texters, and some love a bit of web chatting. Although there are a lot of them, I could probably count my best, lifetime friends on one hand.

My sister is also my best friend. I am so lucky that we get on so well because a lot of sisters don't. We have only ever fallen out once or twice in our lifetime and that was for about 5 minutes! I'm glad she's the big sister. Don't think I would have made a good big sister. She really does look after me and I know she is always there for me 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. My Mum once said my sister had told her she'd die to save me from drowning and I know I'd do the same. It sounds morbid, but my sister is the biggest beneficiary on my pension death notifcation bonus, and I plan on putting her on my life insurance too when the documents come through in the next few days.

She s the person I miss the most, along with my nephew. We haven't seen each other for 11 weeks and won't see each other for nearly another 11 weeks-and counting-. It's one of the longest times we've been apart, and it is very difficult at times, but luckily we are really good at keeping in touch. We text at least three times a day, to the extent that yesterday when I didn't text straight back, she sent me a message to ask if a joke she'd made had offended me!

I always wish I could have all the people I love in one room, but as some of my family live in the USA and New Zealand, I don't see that happening. I supose that's one of the reasons people get married, to have everyone together, fact of life I suppose.

This week I have finally learnt to relax, that I don't always have to be washing dishes/ironing/tidying up in my 'rest' time. I've appreciated listening to the silences, and enjoying the spaces and moments in between the silences, that make every day beautiful.

I'm so lucky...


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