Road to recovery

It's almost a month now since my health scare at the beginning of May. I am feeling a lot better but I know it's the sort of thing where I won't just feel better overnight, as a friend said to me recently - 'don't rush your recovery.'

She was absolutely right. Two weeks ago I walked to Sainsbury's on my own - about 20 minutes walk, there is a bus but I was too impatient to wait for it on a Sunday-intending to pick up 'a few essentials.' You know how it is, half an hour later and I was struggling home with a backpack and 4 carrier bags full of shopping. I had to stop about 10 times to rest and was acutely aware of my blood pumping in my ears. When I got home boyf was horrified to see the state of me -he'd been in bed after a heavy night -and made me lie down on the sofa and rest, saying I felt very hot. At this point I had developed chest pains. Needless to say the experience competely terrified me and I will definItley be more patient and wait until boyf is wide awake and can drive us both there.

It's pretty frustrating not being well enough to go to the supermarket on your own when you are 27 years old. I am also fierecly independent and I have to keep telling myself to slow down. Work have been very supportive and I have been making sure to use the lift to go between floors and use trolleys to carry things as my arms are still very weak.

Right now I am waiting for an appointment to see a Neuorologist at the hospital. Apparently he is 'only in on Fridays.' I'm not sure what area he covers, from that I would guess quite a wide part of the North West. They're referring me to a neurologist because it's all connected with your brain, blood flow etc. I couldn't feel my right hand and foot because the signals in my brain weren't getting through properly. In the last week or so I have had pains in my legs and am hardly able to stand up for long, walk very far, or crouch down without being in pain. As someone who loved walking before I was ill, this is again frustrating, but hopefully they will sort me out soon.

One thing I've noticed is that because I don't LOOK ill, people assume I am just being lazy by taking the lift at work etc. The other day the security guard at work started teasing me because I was getting the lift to go 2 floors. I just commented that I had bad legs and left it at that, but it made me realise how if people can't SEE what is wrong with you, they don't really understand. Its like mental health, when people can't see someone's depression - I am lucky enough not to be aflicted by this at the moment -they assume they just need to pull themselves together, or that antidepressants mean they can just take a little pill and everything wil go away.

So I think the road to recovery is going to be a long one. But I'm getting there...


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