Written in the Stars

I've been having strange recurring dreams about the past recently, and not about people I would like in my present either.  It's got me thinking about time, since that seems to be flying by faster than I can keep up with, and life choices - both ones I've made and ones that were out of my hands.

I've packed a hell of a lot into my 29 years so far, and the way I rollercoaster through life at a million miles an hour, I'm guessing what's left holds a treasure trove of experiences too.  I was talking to an old school friend, who is now one of my closest girlies at the weekend, about how many times we've moved since leaving school.  Must have been one of the first times to realise someone in my closest circle has had more addresses than me!

I wanted to avoid the 'f' word, *whisper it* but I do think that a lot of how our lives unfold is already predetermined.  How else can we explain how many people live in the world, coupled with the frequency we run into people we know.

So many experiences in my life seem to have linked into each other, and although there have been some truly tough times(those of you who know me well will know the experiences I'm referring to), and there have been periods of my life I have questioned if I really want to be in this life, the people who I love and who love me have - in one way or another - shown me that life is for living, not dreaming.

The story of when my Granny went to London years ago proves my point, she knew nobody - this was before phones were something people had practically glued to them - and who does she sit oppposite on a trusty old London bus but a family member!

So many times in my life one thing has led to another, I refuse to believe anything other than that some things are meant to be.  If I hadn't been at a loose end when my nephew was born, I wouldn't have been able to help my sister with him and, as well as developing a bond with him that means months apart fade away every time I see him, it enriched and transformed our relationship from sisters, to yummy Mummy and Auntie.  I try every day to be a good Auntie Katy!

If I hadn't been leaving Liverpool the day when I did in 2007 I would never have met the person, whose indigo eyes sent tiny electric shocks into mine when they took off their sunglasses and looked into my eyes, and changed the course of my life forever, little did I know less than two years later the North West would be calling me again.(couldn't resist that siren song.)

If I hadn't gone to one of my oldest friend's weddings I would never have met someone who taught me so much about life in a fleeting meeting.

If me and the bf hadn't decided to take a break, I never would have bit the bullet and started going to poetry nights on my own, where I was welcomed with open arms by so many people who have become firm friends, and given me so many opportunities to share and develop my poetry.  I wouldn't have realised when what felt like shards of glass in my heart meant that I physically couldn't live without the person who never stopped believing in me, and love.

So, what's next?  Who knows, it's written in the stars.


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