This is Me

Am over the moon as I passed my assessment this week for my promotion at work. I was kind of stressy about it all week, it was interesting because someone else had their assessment this week and they were much more vocal about believing they would pass it than me. It's not that I didn't think I could pass it, I was just a bit more cautious about it.

It's not that I'm not sure of myself but I guess there's always a part of me that is terrified of failing. I don't really know why that is. I suppose everything that's happened over the past couple of years has made me wonder if I actually deserve happiness and success, and even if I get it, I always worry that I'm going to lose it. Ridiculous really because I probably waste about half of my time worrying about what might happen and/or losing everything.

You never know what the future is going to bring, but I really believe that I have got rid of all the people and things that were dragging me down and only interested in their own gain, and now I have some great people in my life who are good to me and care about my own happiness as much as their own. Anyone who I feel is draining me or using me for what they can get out of me , I cut out of my life. Sounds harsh but as I get older I become more like that. I've got no time for time wasters.

I went out for a lovely dinner with a friend this week and met some great people. For the first time in ages I felt like I could be myself and people would accept me as I am and value me as a person. Next year is going to bring some changes and it's terrifying but exciting. The last decade has been a mixed bag really, and I wouldn't change any of it, but I intend to dedicate the next ten years to working hard and playing harder!